When Your Muse Goes on Vacation

Oracle Fun Run

I hate those blogs that apologize for not writing or being away.  Even more I hate the excuses they proffer to explain their absence; usually something to do with being too busy or real life getting in the way of blogging. Are we d-list bloggers so egocentric as to think that we are missed when we don't write? As a reader of blogs, it's not like I'm going to run out of things to read if even half of the blogs and podcasts I subscribe to stop publishing tomorrow.  My RSS reader cup would still runneth over.

I am, therefore, not going to apologize for not having written anything here lately.  I am not going to make up excuses for neglecting my photoblog, or for phoning in my project 365 pictures, or for not commenting on my contacts on Flickr. My real world responsibilities were no heavier than usual - I just didn't feel like it.  I do not presume I was missed nor am I fishing for comments to the contrary. Let's just say for want of a better explanation, that my creative muse left me for a while. 

So what do you do when you consider yourself a creative person but you don't feel like doing anything creative? I save what little creative juice I have to keep creative commitments that are important to me, in this case my photo-a-day project for this year.  Even when I didn't feel like it I took a shot each day that I wasn't ashamed of.  If this meant reshooting things I'd already shot, so be it.  If it meant taking pictures in the same, comfortable vein day after day, then I just rolled with it.  There are times to push yourself and there are times to acknowledge your limitations and energy. 

In the project365 group I am part of in Flickr we have seen a number of committed members drop out recently. Either they were pushing themselves to try to make an exceptional  image everyday that stood a good chance of making explore which is exhausting, or they just tired of the project and it was either to stop than go on.  In running parlance we call it 'hitting the wall', or 'bonking', or 'the bear jumping on your back'.  Somewhere around mile 18 to 21 of a marathon there's a danger that you will have the overwhelming urge to stop running; this might be because you're trying too hard, or not trying hard enough, or your not well enough prepared.  If you want to finish enough you will break through the wall and keep going - if you don't want it enough you'll either walk it in or stop and get a ride in from the sop wagon.  If you can dig deep and run it in you're a real runner no matter what your time.

A similar analogy could apply to any long term artistic endeavor.  If you want it enough and you can find the energy to keep going even when you want to stop you might learn something about yourself, your talent, your limitations and your strengths.  There are mental tricks runners can employ to break through the wall; you try to divert yourself.  Instead of counting steps, watching out for mile markers and all the mental arithmetic that goes into working out if you can still make your target time you can sing songs in your head that match the tempo of your steps.  You can lift up your head and look around yourself instead of looking inside and down at your feet. You can talk to your peers around you.  Before you know it mile 21 is behind you and the finish line is achievable again.

While my muse was MIA I picked up a guitar for the first time in forever and tried to learn something new.  I sat down with the books of photographers who I love.  I went to the movies.  I talked to other photographers about, what else?, photography. My muse didn't come running back, banging on the door begging me to take her back but I can feel her in the house again. Artistically speaking, I'm not going to qualify for Boston but I will run it in.