1 post tagged “doubt”
To misquote a more insightful writer me, there are two kinds of artists: those who openly struggle with self-doubt and those who lie about it. It may be flippantly stated but that doesn't make it any less true. Unless you are terminally optimistic, or blessed with the kind of self-confidence reserved for the typical Oprah show expert, or you're on industrial strength Prozac, at some point in a long term creative project you're going to have to do battle with the black dog of self-doubt.
Why am I doing this?
Do I just suck, or do I really, really suck?
Am I just deluding myself and wasting everybody's time?
Why don't I just give up and see if there's anything good on TV?
Pieces of your work that you were happy with last week suddenly look second-rate and don't seem to measure up to your peers anymore. Picking up the camera seems more like work than pleasure and when you have a camera in your hands you can't find anything to shoot. When you do shoot something it never looks how you want it or everyone else seems to be able to do it better. You're in a slump. You're blocked. You're wrestling demons. You feel like you've lost your edge. You've lost your energy, your muse, your drive. Welcome to you're own artistic hell.
This self-doubt is painful but it is part of your artistic growth. You are not the same photographer that you were last year, last month or even last week and self-doubt can be a distressing side-effect of taking your art a little bit further. Your old work is not as bad as you think but this feeling may mean you're about to make a personal break-through.
Another consolation is that, although it feels like this pit of self-doubt is the loneliest place on the planet, every artist worth their salt has been through this before too … often more than once, but we have to get out of this place before we consider the horrible possibility of returning to it. So how do we break through and return to being productive? I say this without judgment but self-doubt is a very self-indulgent feeling. It results from being stuck in your own head. An artist must be self-aware, self-considered and reflective to work and grow but if you take it too far it can become self-destructive. To break on through you have to get out of your head; you should stop thinking and get back to doing.
This is easier said than done but there are things you can do to help your self achieve this, the most important of which is a change of environment. If you're stuck in a rut photographing the same things and places over and over, make the effort to try shooting somewhere or something else. If you have a home studio, leave it and your house and go for a walk. If you always shoot in your neighborhood drive somewhere else. If you always shoot in the day, shoot at night. If you shoot people, try landscapes. Change is a great distraction; you have to get out of your head to deal with what is going on in the here and now. You have to live in the moment and the moment is all a photographer has to work with.
But what if you can't make a literal change in your environment? What if you're committed to a studio project of there's some sort of protocol in your current project that you can't escape from? The best thing you could do is set up a side project and put your current work on hold for a period of time, but sometimes that's just not possible either. You can make changes to your environment that effect you but not your photography. For me that is often music. I usually work in quiet but if I become overly self-conscious working on something in a studio setting I find that if I crank up loud rock music it blows those thoughts out of my head – I begin to enjoy the music and forget about my block and start making pictures instinctively. I rarely walk around listening to my iPod but if I am blocked I will put in the earbuds and listen to music or podcasts while I'm walking around shooting and it does help me to forget about my funk.
It's good to be absolutely comfortable and instinctive with your goto camera and lens rig, however, if you need a distraction it can be of benefit to do something that makes you have to think about your equipment again. It can change your pace and rhythm enough to switch you focus from your block to the simple process of just making a picture. I will switch out photographic equipment; shoot with a compact point and shoot instead of a DSLR or use an old lens, or old camera I've half-forgotten how to use. If I can't do that I'll switch my lens into manual focus or use an exposure mode I don't normally use – anything I can do to stop me remembering how blocked I am and to get me thinking about just getting the camera to work and take a picture.
Beyond changing your shooting method there are other things you can do to restore your confidence about your work. You may be dissatisfied with the work you've been producing in the last few weeks but, if you go back far enough in your catalog you will find things that still make you proud or at least make you smile. If you spend a little time with your greatest hits it will help you focus on your strengths and what you want to pursue and achieve. This makes it the perfect time to make some new prints; do it right and mat, frame and hang them too. Make a Blurb book of a project you've already completed. Seeing your work in the flesh rather than in pixels adds instant gravitas to your pictures.
Take a look at your portfolio and switch out less satisfactory work with newer favorites. Create a DVD you can play on a TV when people ask to see your work. Put your portfolio photos in a easily accessible folder on your iPhone to show the curious. Create a new business card. Update your Flickr sets or your Lightroom albums – new themes and threads in your work may be emerging that you've been missing.
Beyond your own work get involved in the work of others. Seek out a mentor (admittedly that's easier said than done). Look at the new work of your peers or those you admire, and those doing the kind of work you wish you could produce. Critique other people's work on Flickr – you learn a lot through the process of critiquing others about what you already know, areas you are weaker, what you like and why. Watch documentaries and read biographies on photographers and other artists – they are not so different than you, just people trying to express themselves. Look through monographs and visit galleries but try not to see how you measure yourself against the work to see, rather find work that excites and inspires you to try to do something great.
Artistic blocks are part of the journey; if it were easy everyone would be doing it. Work through this without panicking and you will grow as an artist and produce better work as a result.
Good luck.
