3 posts tagged “muse”
It has been eight months since I posted anything to Vox. How funny then that the subject that inspires me to write again is the subject I last wrote about; inspiration or the lack of it and faith in your own work.
So, since we last chatted I completed my picture-a-day project for 2007 and started again for 2008. I made a new picture every day for a whole year and then some and I am proud of that. However, I am less proud of some of the individual shots than I am of the achievement of completing what I started. Let's face it, completing what you started is easy if you're stubborn enough but making each individual picture stand on its own is tough.
I was talking with a fellow photographer this weekend; a fellow ex-pat; probably someone who is somewhere about the same place as I think I am in my photographic development; someone I trust; someone who doesn't mince words. He asked me why I'd been contaminating my Flickr stream with so much crap recently. I was a little taken aback at first but then I knew what he was saying was true. I can try an justify what I'm doing by claiming that flickr is my equivalent of a Day Book, a journal of sorts - both the good and the bad - it's not a blog and certainly it's not a portfolio. That holds true to a point.
I am not in the flickr elite. I'm not even on the flickr B-list but I do have a few regulars who comment on my photos and I comment of theirs. It's a community of sorts to support each other through the project 365 death march. I do not use those comments to criticize their work and they, thankfully, return the favor. My wife knows that it is what I don't say in those comments I make that is most telling but I'm just like my friends their - I struggle enough just to make a post a picture most days so I don't want it scored on artistic merit. It's the one time I'm happy with a "nice capture", "good shot" kind of comment. And then I start believing my own press....
The truth is, my friend is right. I'm actually happy with my pictures about 1 day in 10. I know how to make something that will fool a layman most of the time but, if you really know about photography, and you look at my shots you can see I'm faking it. I can make something that looks artistic but that doesn't make it art. So why go on? I have to keep making pictures if I want to call myself a photographer. I have to go on for that 1 day in 10 when I think it's actually worth it. It's hard to make up of inspiration with persistence and hard work but I have to believe that it's worth trying.
I used to have absolute confidence in my own work to the point of arrogance. I miss that sureness but perhaps this self-doubt is something I just have to work through to get to that next, creative place. It is a hard slog but I am too stubborn to give up just because I feel like I'm producing crap. There's only two choices when you're stuck in a rut; bounce out or get entrenched and comfortable. I am working to avoid the latter.
I hate those blogs that apologize for not writing or being away. Even more I hate the excuses they proffer to explain their absence; usually something to do with being too busy or real life getting in the way of blogging. Are we d-list bloggers so egocentric as to think that we are missed when we don't write? As a reader of blogs, it's not like I'm going to run out of things to read if even half of the blogs and podcasts I subscribe to stop publishing tomorrow. My RSS reader cup would still runneth over.
I am, therefore, not going to apologize for not having written anything here lately. I am not going to make up excuses for neglecting my photoblog, or for phoning in my project 365 pictures, or for not commenting on my contacts on Flickr. My real world responsibilities were no heavier than usual - I just didn't feel like it. I do not presume I was missed nor am I fishing for comments to the contrary. Let's just say for want of a better explanation, that my creative muse left me for a while.
So what do you do when you consider yourself a creative person but you don't feel like doing anything creative? I save what little creative juice I have to keep creative commitments that are important to me, in this case my photo-a-day project for this year. Even when I didn't feel like it I took a shot each day that I wasn't ashamed of. If this meant reshooting things I'd already shot, so be it. If it meant taking pictures in the same, comfortable vein day after day, then I just rolled with it. There are times to push yourself and there are times to acknowledge your limitations and energy.
In the project365 group I am part of in Flickr we have seen a number of committed members drop out recently. Either they were pushing themselves to try to make an exceptional image everyday that stood a good chance of making explore which is exhausting, or they just tired of the project and it was either to stop than go on. In running parlance we call it 'hitting the wall', or 'bonking', or 'the bear jumping on your back'. Somewhere around mile 18 to 21 of a marathon there's a danger that you will have the overwhelming urge to stop running; this might be because you're trying too hard, or not trying hard enough, or your not well enough prepared. If you want to finish enough you will break through the wall and keep going - if you don't want it enough you'll either walk it in or stop and get a ride in from the sop wagon. If you can dig deep and run it in you're a real runner no matter what your time.
A similar analogy could apply to any long term artistic endeavor. If you want it enough and you can find the energy to keep going even when you want to stop you might learn something about yourself, your talent, your limitations and your strengths. There are mental tricks runners can employ to break through the wall; you try to divert yourself. Instead of counting steps, watching out for mile markers and all the mental arithmetic that goes into working out if you can still make your target time you can sing songs in your head that match the tempo of your steps. You can lift up your head and look around yourself instead of looking inside and down at your feet. You can talk to your peers around you. Before you know it mile 21 is behind you and the finish line is achievable again.
While my muse was MIA I picked up a guitar for the first time in forever and tried to learn something new. I sat down with the books of photographers who I love. I went to the movies. I talked to other photographers about, what else?, photography. My muse didn't come running back, banging on the door begging me to take her back but I can feel her in the house again. Artistically speaking, I'm not going to qualify for Boston but I will run it in.
Recently I've been trying to take pictures every day. I'm subscribing to the theory that photography, like any other artistic endeavor, takes practice. A good violinist practices every day without fail. As a photographer I can sometimes be lazy, not bothering to shoot every day because I don't think there's anything worth shooting that day. It is presumptuous of me to assume that, if I don't practice every day, I'll have my chops when I really need them.
The boring, gray, concrete bridge close to my office is my practice when I don't have anything better to focus on. The bridge is scales to be practiced to keep me on my game. Taking a few minutes out of the day with just my camera makes me feel like I deserve the badge "photographer". The resulting images aren't master pieces by any stretch of the imagination but creating them helps me keep my eye in. If I can construct a reasonable picture from a boring, gray bridge even when I don't want to I hope that I'll be prepared when more interesting fare and real inspiration presents itself.
